‘The Mind Of’.

9 Jan

“Depression for me stems predominantly from low self-esteem. I know, I'm a model who’s willing to stand in front of a camera all day so that can't possibly be true. But it is.”

I want to talk about depression. I want to talk about not eating for days. Talk about not sleeping for days. Talk about shutting myself off from everything and everybody.

Depression has been a part of my life for almost 10 years now, maybe longer - but it's only much more recently that I've been in control of the issue to the extent that I can talk about it.

So let's do just that...

Depression for me stems predominantly from low self-esteem. I know, I'm a model who’s willing to stand in front of a camera all day so that can't possibly be true. But it is, and even to this day my self-esteem fluctuates massively. I thought I had it all under control; then a series of unfortunate events led me down a dark path, and a while back I reached the lowest point of my life.

I won't go into the reasons why now since they're not important, but I had my first ever breakdown and it terrified the life out of me. I barely ate for weeks. I ended up in hospital. I was scared, confused and genuinely didn’t think I'd ever leave there. But I did leave that very same day, and since then I've been looking at ways and means of ensuring I never end up in that situation again.

Photography: The Mancorilist for Incarnate.

Now, this isn’t some major success story, I've still got along way to go, but over the next few entries I'll be discussing my journey up to now. I’ll look at how my depression manifests itself, what works for me in combating it, and tbh just general ramblings... Now obviously I’m not a medical professional and I’m speaking purely from personal experience (whether that be self-analysis or that of a medical professional).

I'm doing this purely as a form of release for myself, and if it helps anybody in the process, even on the smallest level, then that's great too.

Tune in next time for the worst trainers you've ever seen ✌