One Mumpreneur

“ I was overcome by a wave of thoughts that made me second guess my decision...What about the baby? What if I get an emergency call in the middle of the shoot?”

I of course can't speak on anyone else's behalf but my journey to finding balance in life as a working mother has been (and continues to be) unique to say the least! I have always had an industrious spirit, understanding the value of hard work from an early age and it's seen me go from my first job doing a paper round before school, to managing backstage at a London Fashion Week On Schedule show and various roles in between.

For most of us, when life has you in a position where thoughts turn to the possibility of parenthood, from conception, during pregnancy and afterbirth, there's so much focus on the child itself and everything you'll do and be for it, you never really stop to consider the magnitude of adjustment you'll go through with respect to working life and prioritising your time differently.
In my case, with my son being born 15 weeks early, there was naturally an extra level of caution in addition to the usual new parent worries that initially prevented work from being at the forefront of my mind. Needless to say, me being me, that didn't last long...I was back styling an editorial photoshoot just 4 days after giving birth..on my 30th birthday no less! Most would say that was too soon but it was a half day shoot, a few hours and given that within the few days prior, I'd caught cabin fever and been consumed by the cycle of beeping machines in the NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit) ward along with the seemingly constant flurry of consultants reminding me how precarious my son's case was, a creative change of scenery was welcomed with wide open arms.

I really enjoyed the shoot, and as great as it was to be back on set getting my first post pregnancy project quickly under my belt, from the moment I left the hospital to make my way to location, I was overcome by a wave of thoughts that made me second guess my decision...What about the baby? What if I get an emergency call in the middle of the shoot? Does my choice make me a bad mother? This was my first introduction to what I now know to be 'mum guilt'.

Thankfully, my son was ok, and his health gradually improved over time. He's even joined me on set photoshoots and at meetings/events. Although it does occasionally rear it's not so pretty head, for the most part, I try to remind myself that 'mum guilt' is just a part of the process and to trust that when necessary, I will always make the right choice on behalf of my child. Equally, choices I make that benefit me too doesn't make me a bad parent. I've even had a couple of 'bring your child to work days' with my son joining me on set photoshoots so it's all swings and roundabouts.

Although I've done well so far, I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be career wise and everyday of parenthood is a lesson so for now, I'm taking one step at a time on the path to mastering mumprenuership.