‘The Mind Of’ Pt. 3

28 Apr

“ Don't even get me started on Depop and eBay... I swear you can tell my mental state throughout the year purely by looking at my credit card statement. I know this probably isn't okay, but I continue to do it.”

My absolute worst trait is spending money to make myself feel better.

I'll either spend every waking hour on my phone, trawling Ebay, depop, Grailed, etc or spend no time at all looking at them. There's no middle ground. The rush I get from finding a bargain is indescribable, but I'll try all the same...

Here's the thing, wearing nice things makes me feel good. Wearing and flexing nice, expensive things that I've paid far less than people think for is even better. I’d love to say I don’t care what people think, but the truth is I do. Honestly, nothing beats the look on somebody's face when I walk past and they notice something I'm wearing. I know this isn't right, but come on, nobody's out there's really got this figured out.

I noticed it again at the start of lockdown, there were ASOS parcels arriving almost every single day. They had all sorts of stuff ranging from face coverings, to trousers, socks, boots, everything. Don't even get me started on Depop and eBay... I swear you can tell my mental state throughout the year purely by looking at my credit card statement. I know this probably isn't okay, but I continue to do it.

It's not all bad though. I recently had a while off work due to depression and anxiety; I won’t go into it here, but lockdown took its toll and I couldn’t carry on, so I suddenly lost a big portion of my income. Fortunately, my toxic habit came to the rescue. I sold over £3000 of stuff that I didn’t wear and made it through.

Without my toxic trait, I know I'd have been in a dire situation financially. So, this poses the question: if it's technically an investment, and I can learn to show some form of control, am I doing anything wrong?

Answers on a postcard (or y'know, DM me if you prefer)